Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Something I said I'd NEVER do...

My momma always told me to never say what I wasn't gonna do. Well, I have alot of those "I'm never gonna do that" examples. Don't we all? And I always end up doing them. Don't we all?

For example, I was NEVER going to fly! NEVER! And then 9/11 happened and I was NEVER EVER EVER going to get on a plane! So, I got on a plane for the first time just after the 1 year anniversary of 9/11. And where did I go? Yep, NYC. The exact same city where 9/11 happened. What was I thinking?!?!

So OK...you got me on that one! I flew on a plane. I must admit, it was a nice flight and I was totally cool with flying. HOWEVER, I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER fly overseas. As in, get on a plane and fly across the ocean. Oh, no ma'am! That's where I drew the line!

So, in keeping with the tradition, I'm going to Africa! And this is where I will BEG for your prayers! I really want to go see my sister. I really want to meet George (and put him in his place, nonetheless. I mean, he thinks Christie's the boss? Riiiiiiight. I want to live up to my promise of showing him "Am Boss") I really want to meet these precious children that I see in her pictures. I really want to witness the culture there. I really want to see first hand the work that God is doing in the village. I really want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I really want to! But I have so many doubts that plague my mind right now.

First, I know that the tickets are expensive. But I'm ok with that. That will be the best $1500 I've ever spent! For sure! I know that I will want to make the most of the time that I will take off of work and the time that I will be without my children. I will need to be gone for atleast 10 days to make the most out of the trip. I struggle with the thought of leaving my children. Yes, they have a GREAT daddy who loves them very much and takes very good care of them. I have NO issues with that. I am very thankful that I would not have to worry that their needs will be met. I know that Alex will understand why I am away and he is totally OK with that. Although he REALLY wants to go with me. Marlie will not understand because she will only be 2 years old and won't know what's going on anyway. I am not worried about how others will feel about my trip. I am worried about the way that I will feel about it. Not sure how to put it into words but my biggest struggle is the fact that I will be so far away from them and that makes me very uneasy. I know that mothers do it all the time. I have always admired the depth of their faith. I know that this journey will require a magnitude of faith.

I also worry that my heart will be completely broken and unrepairable once I witness the poverty and despair. Don't get me wrong. I have seen tons and tons of pictures, videos and heard my sister's stories. But I have heard once you witness it first-hand, you are never the same. What happens WHEN I get there and am completely changed forever? What happens WHEN I come home and feel empty? What happens WHEN I come home and have that fire in me to start selling my possessions and live a more simple life so that I can help those in desperate need? What will my husband think? What will my children think? What will my in-laws think? What will my co-workers think?

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I work through these issues. I have been hearing this bible verse over and over and over again over the past couple of weeks. I kept wondering what it had to do with me and now I realize how fitting it is:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:34

Please share with me scriptures to help me prepare for this battle. It is definitely one worth fighting!

In closing, I will say that I will NEVER go down to the kitchen and eat some of that chocolate cake that I baked on Sunday. NEVER EVER EVER EVER ;)


  1. I am praying for you. I am also struggling with it. Here is you a little scripture
    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

  2. Here's my advice, though you won't find it in the Bible. "Put cho big girl panties on and DEAL WITH IT!" I be lurvin' you!!!

  3. I'm praying for you! I am feeling those same things. I am so thrilled to go,but only been 1 night away from hubs. Jon's been away to camp for about a week every summer to hemophilia camp since he was 6 but that's not the same!! It breaks my heart when he has told me about him worrying about me being on the other side of the world. He is also sad that he can't go. He is getting better about me going. He is so glad that i'm going but worried at the same time. He asks me will i see our sponsored child and wishes he could see him too. I tell him maybe one day he will be able to go too. Now,you have me crying too early in the morning!! I better do as Christie says and put my big girl panties on! Love you! We will get through it! :)

  4. So glad you are going to visit with Christie and the village. I think it would be awesome to go. When are you going? I've always wanted to go on a mission trip and just have not done it yet! I pray one day I get the opportunity! I love seeing what God is doing through you and your sister!
    Rachel B.


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